scavenger...to a new beginning......again

So I need to start looking for a job...better than I am. Cause I haven't done a whole lot. It's slightly still difficult...I should do it tomorrow...But who knows what I'll really do. I also want to go to the gym...So I'm just going to probably end up waiting til monday...sucks. I need to get all my crap organized this weekend anyway. That could be a good thing to do..it could make things less chaotic. Also...my water bottle keeps talking, and I want to kill it.

So how do buses work? Because I apparently might be taking them a lot from now on...super sketch. But I suppose I can just be safe about it. I'm really not sure. Or I need to figure things out with the car so I can start driving. Mahhh...

Where do I even apply for work? Everywhere...but I'm not sure where to go yet without a car. Hmmm... Possibly I'll just drive the car..that I'm not supposed to drive..who knows.

The sun henna on my arm is about off. You can see part of a ray...that's all. I want more. I won't get any though :(

So I need to have more patience...or more ability to be nice, and not freak out, or get annoyed. I'm not exactly sure how to do that. Ha..but I should really try.

I've decided that I'm going to look at life as an experiment..and document everything and take it into a study, so I can just observe it and not get angry, because it will just be different reactions...to different trials. So later I cant just laugh instead.

Hopefully it'll help. It's worth a shot. Even though I haven't done much different.
Maybe this weekend will be when I start changing things. I need to start being how I was again, alone. Ha, not in such a depressing way...But I need to have certain focuses. And stick to those, and only those. Not letting any distractions get to me. I'm going to have a list. Only allowing myself to do things on that list. It will be very restricting. I'll make a menu too. Only can eat certain things. It should be good for me. Huh. Life is going to get good again. Starting now.

Earlier I decided I didn't want people to know that I was home anymore. Wanting them to think that I went back to school in the winter like most folk..So I'm going to try and lay low. I hope that will help too. So I super hope I'm able to get a job on post...that's a way better chance of a different life, and not being around the people that I don't need to be around. I'm almost begging for a new life. In the same place I've always been..what can I say..I ask for too much. Maybe if I help out at it, I can get it..to a point. I really think it'll be better this way. So... those lists will come later.
I must ponder....

That's all for now.

amp...

So I had a pretty crazy ish, not so much day. Things get difficult with my mom sometimes...But I think it's getting better. Or the idea is. Or I am..Or we're just working on it at least. So I feel better I guess. I've decided I like Aawon today. haha, and what I mean by that, only a certain few would understand. Hopefully he gets it too.
I've also realized that I don't really have any hobbies. I need to look into life. Maybe pickup something else. Like soccer...cause apparently Latini's like soccer. Or...idk, Aaron concluded that I like the gym. Which is true. And I suppose that could be a hobby? Going to the gym. Huh. Well...I guess I'll see.
I like how I blog, for myself. Cause no one knows I blog anymore. I feel like I'm talking to myself, and getting I'm getting an answer. But I'm really not. It's just where I let all my words go, and then I don't have to think about them as much. Crazily.
So I'm skyping with Aaron right now. And he's asking me funny questions. He's a pretty sweet dude......MAN. He was making fun of one of my songs that I was listening to. What a rudey....
Well, I'm off to chat and have scripture study, then get some shut eye!

"The whole wide world is mine." -AVA