Tomorrow, More Things Change

So I got through today. It honestly wasn't too great. Though I tried to make things better toward the end. I walked around campus a bit and figured some things out. Then I went and priced most of my books. So later on I went to this rental place and rented five books for four classes, and I went to mail my latest novel to Chase.
Tomorrow I have communications at 8am. It's supposed to be a really cool class and I think it will be. I just hope I'm not too tired. Then I'm going to try and sit in on a foundations class so I don't have to take it online. Then I'll have to drop my art propaganda class. It seems cool, but it's totally unnecessary.
So I also went to dairy queen today with my roommates Lizzie, Bobbie, and Allie, ad Lizzie's two friends. It was pretty fun. Then when we got back I headed over to kj's because I told her early that I would come over.
Well, hopefully tonight will end well and tomorrow will be better. I've decided I'm going completely crazy and losing my mind. But I guess, there's not much I can do. So we'll see where tomorrow takes us. I'm going to make some toast now since kj has a toaster, and I have homemade jam, and some yummy bread.
So tomorrow should be interesting.

And that's a day in the life of Natalya.

Another New Beginning

So the past week I've been in Rexburg. I've been hanging out with my brother all day, which is great because I never really grew up with him. The nights I spent at Kaylens. Which were pretty nice too, cause she's a super sweet girl, and her younger brother Chase and I were really good friends. He's now on his mission is Brazil. It's insanely far and I miss him like crazy, but he's generally happy and he's doing great things so I'm happy for him. We write each other letters, and I've recently been writing him novels because apparently I have a lot to say. 


I never used to be much of a talker, and I've learned that I am generally shy when it comes to meeting new people, or just being around people I don't know. Though I am now at a place where I have to learn to socialize right away and not let things bother me. I know it's not that much to handle, and I should be able to handle it, but things get difficult sometimes. I mean, I graduated high school early, and that took a lot. And I'm really happy to be in college, and I miss my few good friends back home, but being the person that I need to be, I'm glad I'm here.
I just got into my apartment yesterday and I had to put away all of my stuff.. Which I also learned that I have too much of. I really need to put a lot of it in storage.. My roommates are really nice girls. Though earlier today I thought they hated me. I have been away from friends I know for a little over a month now, and my neighbors are three girls I went to high school with, and it just feels really good to see them and get back in touch. But I'm pretty sure my roommates think I don't want to interact with them. I feel really bad.. But I'm trying to be nice and happy about it all and talk to them. I like them all a lot, it's just hard for me because I'm not used to them. I never really grew up around people being so happy all the time and just all around good people. I know it sounds terrible. But it's just the truth. I think I'm doing good so far, it's a step up. But I can always do better. Which reminds me of a song by the band Say Anything. So I can always do better, and I have to keep trying to do better. So I will.
I asked my brothers friend Joel about married people, because they get their own apartments, and that means theres only two people! That would be SO great to me haha, just because I grew up with just my momma and I. But I don't want to get married, so I'm not sure how that plan would work out... But it was a thought. I want to just be able to go to Kj and Britt (neighbors, and high school friends) and hangout at their apartment and go to my brothers, just because it's a feeling of comfort. But I don't want to be the 'outcast' so to say, or just one that stays away or isn't social with my roommates.

I honestly have no emotion about the moving situation, which I think might be bad. Though I have emotion about some things, a lot of things. I try to hide my feelings about mostly everything. It makes it easier to bear if something doesn't turn out how I wished it would. I say I don't have feelings because eventually I just become numb, and some things I learn to just not care about. And I don't try to be a not caring person I just try to protect myself from getting hurt. I know it's terrible logic, but I'm on my own and I don't have anyone to tell me what to look out for. Even if I have people I could look up to for some things. Everyone has their flaws, and so do I.. I just want to try and avoid them making things more difficult than they need to be.
Complaining is something I've become good at. That's a terrible thing. Though I could always find things to complain about. I just have a lot of feelings inside now, and I suppose talking about them could help to figure out what I need to do, and just what is going on, but I don't want to make people involved in my life. It's really really hard for me to trust people, and so I don't want to bother them with my life. Then it will become something to me as well, and feelings will build up. Which is what I like to avoid.

I'm only seventeen, but out of those seventeen years, I lived with my brother maybe five, and I was too young to remember. So this is a wonderful opportunity for me to get to know him more and become close to him. He's a really great guy. He likes to argue with me, which is random because I don't like to fight with people really. It's just not who I am these days.

So this is another new beginning in my life. I get to be in another new place, be with my brother, be with old friends, and make new ones. Plus I get to get a good education and maybe learn new things, of course in school, but maybe I will do new things as well. I'm trying to pick up soccer. I'm hoping things will continue to turn around, for the better. I'm still young, but I think I've got a lot of potential, or else I guess I wouldn't be here.
Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm honestly going to try and make the best of it. I'm hoping that when school starts on thursday it will be super great and not terribly hard, and I will feel some sort of relief. Staying busy will also be a good thing to keep away my feelings and thinking.. When I think, anything could happen.. I also need to bond more with my roommates. They are the ones I will see the most. And I'd like to be close to them. So for now, all can be well. We'll see where it goes from here. All I want, is to be happy.

And that's a day in the life of Natalya.