So since I blog for myself...I generally say anything that's on my mind. Because honestly a whole like two people read it..and it's mainly only Aaron..so it's okay cause he knows most of everything I think about these days..
The latest thing that's been on my mind is running away. I'm no sure where to..I've got no money really..and no one to go with..which is okay I suppose because running away, is generally running AWAY from things so not necessary to be with people...but it'd be nice. I was talking to Aaron about going to Hawaii, lol...it's super cheap sorta, for some days...but I'm almost positive he was joking about it and all, I'm super sure that if we planned it I would definitely go. But idk cause we have school this spring...And then Aaron wants to be an efy counselor in the summer, which is pretty cool. I never went to efy...but I bet I would've liked it. Haha..yeah he doesn't want to. He has other things to do.
I suppose it's better to finish school and stuff anyone, then do something crazy..or do something crazy during a different break when it firsts starts and there's time or somethinn.....
So I'm also thinking about...where I could go..if I don't feel like I should be here. Again..ha I never feel like I should be anywhere. Geez..things get confusing. And I seriously cannot stop sneezing:/ it's freaking me out... And mehh I've been sick for a few days..like two and a half days hahaha and I can't sleep when I'm here...it seriously sucks so bad. But I slept magically at Aarons...I'm super not sure what that means, if anything. I think that everything means something. I'm not exactly sure why..but it's just the way I think I guess. It's pretty crazy. But I'm trying to figure it out. Ha... I hope Aaron finds a job. It'd make him less stressed, and his parents too I think. It'd help him out a lot too. For school and all. And just life.
...I've been semi decent with my goals. Aaron's been good at his goal. I need to stick to my limelight more. I need to know someone so I can get a job...I wish I could be somewhere else...that's bad..but i think it's because...I like being home and all and coming back to VISIT, and having somewhere to go, for the most part...but it hasn't been long enough for me. It's not the right time to visit for a long time. I thought it would be, and I mean generally..I'm trying to do what I came here to do, minus working, and I'm thinking about it all, but I can't do it, and what I thought I came here to prevent, is only getting worse, so it may have been a bad idea. But how was I supposed to know that before? And so what if I messed up...I can't really make it any better now, just make them different for the future I suppose...and considering the fact that I'm still actually supposed to be here right now...kind of makes this whole visiting thing slightly not all right with me. So I'm coming to another conclusion as to why I do not want to be here right now...so the plans I'm working on, to leave...are not working out just yet. But it'd be real nice if they could..because it'd help me do stuff on my own. Get into my own messes, figure out my own ways to fix things..and help me learn. I don't think it's all bad.
And so what if I need a smidge bit of help, in ways that I don't actually need anything. I just don't really wanna depend on anyone. Which I don't plan on doing. But no one is letting me do anything, even though there's not really anyone there...It's a slight struggle, that when I blog about it..I'm starting to get over. It helps me ponder and come up with new convincing ideas. So I actually need to do something this time. Live as if there's a purpose. Which there is. But I'm not acting like there is. So I need to step it up. Starting now. And I hope I really do.
That's all for now.
