Lost Cause?

So since I blog for myself...I generally say anything that's on my mind. Because honestly a whole like two people read it..and it's mainly only Aaron..so it's okay cause he knows most of everything I think about these days..
The latest thing that's been on my mind is running away. I'm no sure where to..I've got no money really..and no one to go with..which is okay I suppose because running away, is generally running AWAY from things so not necessary to be with people...but it'd be nice. I was talking to Aaron about going to Hawaii, lol...it's super cheap sorta, for some days...but I'm almost positive he was joking about it and all, I'm super sure that if we planned it I would definitely go. But idk cause we have school this spring...And then Aaron wants to be an efy counselor in the summer, which is pretty cool. I  never went to efy...but I bet I would've liked it. Haha..yeah he doesn't want to. He has other things to do.
I suppose it's better to finish school and stuff anyone, then do something crazy..or do something crazy during a different break when it firsts starts and there's time or somethinn.....
So I'm also thinking about...where I could go..if I don't feel like I should be here. Again..ha I never feel like I should be anywhere. Geez..things get confusing. And I seriously cannot stop sneezing:/  it's freaking me out... And mehh I've been sick for a few days..like two and a half days hahaha and I can't sleep when I'm here...it seriously sucks so bad. But I slept magically at Aarons...I'm super not sure what that means, if anything. I think that everything means something. I'm not exactly sure why..but it's just the way I think I guess. It's pretty crazy. But I'm trying to figure it out. Ha... I hope Aaron finds a job. It'd make him less stressed, and his parents too I think. It'd help him out a lot too. For school and all. And just life.
...I've been semi decent with my goals. Aaron's been good at his goal. I need to stick to my limelight more. I need to know someone so I can get a job...I wish I could be somewhere else...that's bad..but i think it's because...I like being home and all and coming back to VISIT, and having somewhere to go, for the most part...but it hasn't been long enough for me. It's not the right time to visit for a long time. I thought it would be, and I mean generally..I'm trying to do what I came here to do, minus working, and I'm thinking about it all, but I can't do it, and what I thought I came here to prevent, is only getting worse, so it may have been a bad idea. But how was I supposed to know that before? And so what if I messed up...I can't really make it any better now, just make them different for the future I suppose...and considering the fact that I'm still actually supposed to be here right now...kind of makes this whole visiting thing slightly not all right with me. So I'm coming to another conclusion as to why I do not want to be here right now...so the plans I'm working on, to leave...are not working out just yet. But it'd be real nice if they could..because it'd help me do stuff on my own. Get into my own messes, figure out my own ways to fix things..and help me learn. I don't think it's all bad.
And so what if I need a smidge bit of help, in ways that I don't actually need anything. I just don't really wanna depend on anyone. Which I don't plan on doing. But no one is letting me do anything, even though there's not really anyone there...It's a slight struggle, that when I blog about it..I'm starting to get over. It helps me ponder and come up with new convincing ideas. So I actually need to do something this time. Live as if there's a purpose. Which there is. But I'm not acting like there is. So I need to step it up. Starting now. And I hope I really do.

That's all for now.

Lack of Air...

So I got sick...about yesterday. And since there's cats in the house, just because I can't breathe enough as it is, the cats are EVERYWHERE!!! And the cat hair is getting near me and it's really freaking me out. My nose is all stuffy, my throat hurts, I took like 4 ib profun because my head hurts. I might have a fever, and I just overall feel like death. So it's about 8am ish and I'm definitely awake. And have been since about 730..or since last night. Because I honestly did not sleep last night. I felt sick all night and couldn't sleep..so I just laid there...and tossed and turned all night. That's what it's called right? I also kept coughing, it was gnarley.. So today I get to see Aawon, which I think will make things better, as much as possible. I'm not sure what kind of medicine I should take..if any? Maybe I'll look for my airborne..even though it's probably too late for that lol, and the bubbles will just make me want to throw up. Ohh my nose is drooling out the yin yang... :/  I've also been like stalking cars online....I've found a couple, and I need to do something about it. I've tried contacting people so I'm just waiting now....ugh cats. So I just called my dad but he's going to get a massage! I want one...Hmm...I'm also listening to deathbed..hoping it will help. Okay so I'm going to go brush my teeth and try to wake up more than I already am! And...go tan or something and meet Aaron :)

That's all for now. I don't think I've ever blogged in the am. Huh..

This is Aaron

Hello internet world. This is my very first blog!! I feel very weird knowing that others will be reading this. Natalya is here in PT this weekend. She is sitting right here next to me playing the guitar while we wait for our banana bread to finish! Yummy. We put chocolate and butterscotch chips and walnuts in it!!

-Aaron never posted this....so I am now bahaha

say anything

I got an email from Chase today! Except...it just told me he was going to write me a letter, because the time ran out and the email got erased so he just wrote a short one after that...but I was glad to hear from him! I can't wait til he comes back and I don't have to wait for mondays to hear from him, and we can have actual conversations. He said I could confess my love to him if I wanted to, but he couldn't tell me what to say or what not to say. So I'm debating what to say..or what not to say..

I'm supposed to skype with Aaron, ha of course right? Because he has a date with his boyfriend at midnight. Scandalous...;) So we were going to chat early. But then he was doing some stuff with his fam bam..and now I'm not really sure what is going on. So maybe not tonight!

So today......was just chaotic. I'm not even going to talk about it. But tomorrow hopefully will be better and I can go get some stuff done. And GYM GO! I super need to. It makes me happier, because I can't tan..so I gym go. But...I need to braid my hair, cause I just got out of the shower a bit ago. And I keep brushing my hair..I guess I'm dreadin the dreads...
Maybe I'll try it out another time.

So here's a poem:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm becoming convinced
I live in a zoo

True story.....THE END.

lactose..intolerant

It super sucks to be lactose intolerant..I feel like my body is dying. We had super yummy homemade macaroni and cheese tonight:) but..it was made with milk in it..so I'm sorta dying. A lot of milk stuff makes me sick, but straight milk being in anything honestly makes me feel disgusting.
I've decided that I need to experiment..like possibly by taking milk...and drinking it. But I'm not sure how well that would go over...I could see myself throwing up. But I also decided that could be a solution..for if I ever needed to throw up baha, I could just drink milk..but I'd need to test it first to make sure that's the right option. Hmm, I super don't like milk anymore. Which is fine for me..but geez..so difficult. What to do what to do...ya know? Well...I've got some stuff I gotta get done tomorrow.. So I'm gunna get some shut eye early this time..and get up at a decent hour, and do something with my life. So that's all for now.

just the two of us

La la la la la la la. So again, I'm skyping with Aaron, but he went out to talk to his dad and so I'm just doin my own thing. Meanwhile, Anker and Max are ont he couch watching a movie, and one the guys said something and this is the song that got stuck in my head.. So now I'm just typing away, and I bet they can hear it from the computer...haha so it's probably pretty funny, or freakin weird. Who knows.. lol.

So today, I got up and watched inception lol. After being attacked by the missionaries with a dart gun...I was super tired and still in bed. It was only like 11...so not THAT bad. I was up until 4...so I had reason to be tired. And I kept getting woke up anyway, so I didn't think it was that much of a problem haha. So after I ate and watched the movie I went to the gym. And that's basically the majority of my day. Keturah and I drove around for days and then went to the gym. Had a lovely...experience, baha..then went to another gym after our psycho workout. Then saunaed it up..and headed home. She's actually out doing something...I'm just sitting around again..of course. Ha but I showered, and ate dinner...and...had a super hilarious tickle fight with the kids. I liked it. Oh and I also started putting my clothes away. Except I ran out of places to put things. Until my mom gave me one of her plastic drawer things. So now I can work on that tomorrow or something. My stuff is definitely organized different than the usual....but I guess I'm learning to work with what I got. I can make it good I believe.

So..I'm nervous about this conversation Aaron's having with his dad, lol. He's thinking about coming down here tomorrow...which would be sweeeet. But it's super far. So he's trying to figure it out. I'm not sure if his dad is feelin it or not. But I guess I'll see when he gets back...lol. Surprisingly I've been able to write all of this with him still gone. And manage to sit around a bit before as well. And leave the room and ask a question haha.

So my water bottle keeps randomly talking..and it's freaking me out. Also..I can't remember if I took my medicine today...because I don't remember when I drank water..baha. Sucks...except I shouldn't take it twice in one day..but then again, if I missed it..that sucks too! So what to do what to do ya know... I'm not gunna do it..but schucks. I should call in a new prescription anyhow. I might need to get one from idaho...oh brother lol. But..I'm just rambling now. So I'm off. Donezo for nonezo.

:D I'm generally happy for now. Nothin too bad.

produce!

So we went grocery shopping today...but the produce wasn't too great. So we decided we needed to get it from costco later. So...we don't have any fwuit of vegetables yet :(
But that's cool I suppose. We got some good stuff. SOOO much food lol. I really want my triscuits lol. But I already brushed my teeth.
OH MY GOSH I KEEP SNEEZING :/

So I'm waiting for nothing...because I saddly am not doing anything right now. Ha..it's friday night but it all feels the same to me..So I'm sitting here with no purpose, and Aaron's watching inception with his fam! So...I'm technically waiting to skype with him I believe. Even though I really honestly do not know what I am doing. I could sleep...but no, I just sit here baha, I really need to go to the gym....I applied to some places online today. ...it was the most boring experience of my life. And I broke all of my nails like a little girl today, baha.

After I got out of the shower I honestly sat there and considered myself with dreads. I really thought about it. Especially because I didn't grab my brush yet..So I could've just started the journey then...but I had nothing else to do, so I brushed it..so I could braid it. And I ended up braiding my hair into 3 really nasty braids. Just for fun. HA, yep.

And this is what I do...in my spare time. On FRIDAY NIGHTS. When I'm alone.....bahahahahahaha

I'm going to get a new hobby REAL quick. I'm gunna pick up the guitar now..I've decided it's time. So my wet hair is making me really cold..and I just can't get over how ridiculous I look. So maybe I' don't have anything else to blog about...except for....today at the store I saw the biggest apple of my life. Snow white would've ate it.

I'm gunna go read now. Donezo.


‎"Is it reckless? Maybe. But what do dreams know of boundaries?"